Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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