Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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