Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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