so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
