Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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