isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
