Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
