in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
