oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize