as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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