Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Betty ford says i'm here all night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
