youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
