So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
