wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize