he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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