This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
