Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
