garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize