you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
