i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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