i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
