Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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