now i know why i became what i already was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
