you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
