Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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