so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
