After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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