Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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