If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
