just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
