That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
