my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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