like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
