I wish they made helmets for livers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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