Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
