$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
