You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
