That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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