You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
