i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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