hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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