I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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