Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
