The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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