Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
