Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You made out with two different species that night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
