none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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