Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
