she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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