Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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