Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
