Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
