Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
