If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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