The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize