I can text with my tongue
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
