It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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