..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
