I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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