I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
