I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
