Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
