ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
