Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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