im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I party with great urgency now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize