dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
