Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
