he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
