like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
