He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize