I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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