sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
