can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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