so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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